careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize