guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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