I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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