God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
