you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
