dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
