Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
