i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
