He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
