As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
