i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize