I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
