mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
