What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
