she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Never underestimate the power of titties
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
