Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
