what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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