remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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