my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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