I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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