? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
me + whiskey = a bad person
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
