why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
