What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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