i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
