I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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