the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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