God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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