i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just want nice things and good sex
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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