Girls should come with a carfax report
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
