Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
