I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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