end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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