If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
