just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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