I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
