Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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