I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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