I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
