I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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