I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
