it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Be still, my beating vagina.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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