...so i touched it.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
please come you make the beer taste better
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
