I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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