She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
