If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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