he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
