Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
