I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize