Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my phone needs a breathalizer
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
