come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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