You smell like stripper and shame
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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