dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
