you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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