FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
