Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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