Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
