Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
