Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
