You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
