I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
