where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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