margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
