State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
