I need to stop coming to work sober
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize