His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
