Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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