just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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