its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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