none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
