Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
