i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
