The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
