A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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