I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
