I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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