mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
