I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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