He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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