and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
