Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
