I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
