i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
