I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
