just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
