So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
