Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
