Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
