I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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