What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
