your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
