put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
