I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
