I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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