You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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