Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
