dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
