I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
