She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
