Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
