who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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