She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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