Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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